Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
