apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
