He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
