I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
