this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
