she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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