i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have already put on my inside pants.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
