Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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