Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
