Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
