did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
