You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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