I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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