god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
