I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
