youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
