Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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