my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
