I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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