If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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