There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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