Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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