why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I could fuck to npr.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
