Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
