I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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