Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
