oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
