As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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