it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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