I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
