I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
where are my eyebrows?
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