So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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