would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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