Can i not drive my cunt home
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
