omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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