tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize