textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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