We're facebook friends in real life
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
