My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
