im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
