So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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