I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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