And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize