the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
