i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
