I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
