Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
