Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
