we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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