I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
