She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
