I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
