I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
