i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
