Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
