i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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