Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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