So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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