he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
