my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
