i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
