She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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