I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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