im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
