I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
