i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i think i have two assholes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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