The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize