omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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