do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
