ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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