dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
