I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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