I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize