Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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