Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
