Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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