The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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