you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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