let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
