I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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