I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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