You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
