Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
