Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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