Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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