So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
