actually, I'm a sock model
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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