I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
