I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
