Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
