I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize