My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
