she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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