i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
