i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
