How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You ruined the universe
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
